Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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