your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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