You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
