I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
