Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
