bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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