I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
