My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
