thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
