Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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