3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
