you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
