Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
