i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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