Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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