So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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