You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
