happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
