Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
