just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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