I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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