his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
