no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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