i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
