you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
