you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
