So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize