It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it because I queefed?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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