So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
