writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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