matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
