I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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