Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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