I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
