Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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