weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
