we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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