I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
