Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize