He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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