The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
