I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
