ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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