Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
