Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
