I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
