hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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