She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
