Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
