Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
