the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
