Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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