Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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