I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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