I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
