I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
