My girlfriend figured out who you are.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
