How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
