i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize