Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
