Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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