I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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