You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
