So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
