I smell stomach acid.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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