I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
