My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
