I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Everclear isn't food dammit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
