My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
